And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
