I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
