mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize