btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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