I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
