and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Girls should come with a carfax report
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
