If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
