i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
