I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I need to sanitize my soul.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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