Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize