Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
