better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
