Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
