If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
