it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
