I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
