I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
