he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize