do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Randomize
