Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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