I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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