That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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