He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
