Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
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