Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
