I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
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