Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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