Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
