I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
