Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize