super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
false alarm, still single
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