Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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