He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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