do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
