I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
