you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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