you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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