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Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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