bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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