i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
