I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Boobs are out for the taking
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
