I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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