I need to stop coming to work sober
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
