fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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