i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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