this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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