Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize