I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
