just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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