Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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