Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
