Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
