You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
You are the jesus of drinking
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize