If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
