I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
