Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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