new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize