Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
