I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
