I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
