my sisters under your porch take her home
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
