I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
