Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
not ubering you a puppy
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
