Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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