Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
