note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
