i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
