I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
